Hell-mate or Help-mate: turning arrows into flowers.

The House of J is on a little family trip to a family wedding.  The trip will take about 18 hours which includes the stops along the way.  My mother is along, too.  So, the ages range from 3 to 71.  A teenager is also among the passengers.  But, we are having a great time joking around and giving each other a hard time.  We had a wonderful stay at the Days Inn.  Setting off today for our destination we are all refreshed, feeling renewed by a good night's sleep. 

As with many weddings, there are some tensions among certain family members that have arisen over the last few months.  Until the last couple of days we had no idea if we would be confronted with these tensions.  Where did these tensions come from?  This is my theory:  When a person's heart is surrounded with pain that they do not know how to handle in healthy ways, that pain comes out sideways.  As Richard" Rohr says, "If you do not transform your pain you transmit it".  I believe in our situation this is what has happened.  Those of us who have been on the receiving end of this transmission of pain have had to then handle the pain.  So, how do we handle it?  A verse comes to mind, "Bear ye one another's burdens..."  Everyone has a choice over how to handle what happens to them.  Another verse, "Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you..."  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path".  The journey of life is not what you DO, but what you percieve, the attitudes you choose, and how you will respond to what happens to you in life.  But, how does bearing one another's burdens come into play here?  We bear another's burden by NOT taking offense to the transmitted pain.  We recognize that the "offense" handed out to us is born from the pain, the hell, that encompasses the other person's heart and mind.  As we recognize this pain, this darkness that engulfs your loved one we, then, can choose to be a light.  We respond with light.  We do this by not returning evil for evil, but by overcoming evil with goodness.  We pray...we pray for that other person or persons, the pain that has taken root in their hearts and the misconceptions in their minds that keeps them in pain.  We pray for enlightenment, a lightening of their load, and divine understanding of themselves, life, and their painful situation.  This sets them free.  "And the truth shall set them free..."  We continue in prayer, praying for all things, praying with love, praying for true freedom, Light, and love for all those involved in the transmission of pain.  "Pray without ceasing". 

But, what do you do at tthe moment that your loved one, whether he/she is a family member or friend speaks in a hurtful manner, offends you, slashes at your heart, your relationship?  What is your knee-jerk response?  When I was younger, in my teen years, I responded in a way that would just hurl the pain right back at the offender.  Throwing it back in the offender's face just makes more pain, more darkeness, and does not end the vicious cycle of pain and darkness.  Is there a way we can respond that would promote healing, love, put an end to the transmission of pain, and bring light to another's darkness?  Yes, there is a way.  It is called being mindful.  The Bible and the shelves of your local library are full of suggestions in how to be mindful, in how to respond with love, truth, and goodness.  There are many steps that you can make that will set you in a personal spiritual milieu continually where your knee-jerk response will be that of Christ, of love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and understanding.  When you continually, and persistantly, contemplate, and pray for , the attributes of the Divine Character, the Holy Spirit, the Heart of the Christ, you set up this optimal milieu.  You, then, turn the arrows of hurt, pain, anger, and other arrows of darkness into flowers.  Your shield of faith (spoken of in the Armor of God in Ephesians) has grown to an enormous size and quenches those firey darts initiated by the Dark One, the Evil One.  AND those arrows of darkness are transformed into Light,  into flowers.  This is the power of Christ, the power of the cross, the power of love.

When beginning this practice of setting yourself up to be mindful, and Christ-filled, you will want to respond otherwise, with that perfect retort that will put that so and so in his place.  This is where biting your tongue comes into play.  Counting to ten works.  Using the power of your imagination can be very helpful.  As you persist in your contemplation of mindfulness of love, the desire to lash back and for that feeling of retribution will fade away.  In its place will be understanding, compassion, and a desire to heal, to help, to transform another's pain and darkness into wholeness, and enlightenment. 

We can join another's personal hell, becoming their hellmate, returning evil for evil, making their darkness deeper, and more intense, or we can become their helpmate, helping them out of their miry pit, bearing their burden as they heal and overcome the offenses transmitted to them, being a light in their darkness, and lifting them up to join you in the journey of light.

Return

Wow!  It has been over a year since I last put a post.  I had such good intentions when I started this blog.  I thought that writing would be cathartic for me.  But, I found myself just not wanting to think about things, finding excuses and distractions.  I couldn't tell you if I am doing better or worse since the last entry.  All I know is that the real me is some where between here and heaven, reaching for Jay.  I don't know if I am depressed or just lost somewhere in space.  There are things that make me happy.  But, that prevailing grief, that intense longing for my son is always there, heavy in my heart.  I still cannot get over the feeling that he was not supposed to die.  He is supposed to be here. 

The House of J continues to move on, sort of.  We have made a move.  DJ has gone back to school, and really enjoys it.  We live much closer to my mom which is good for all of us.  I have been able to reconnect with her, and so have the kids.  We live futher out in the country where we can have the horses right outside our door, instead of driving over 20 minutes to visit them, and work with them.  The "sort of" part comes in where my feelings of loss and being lost appear.  I miss my old town so much, and all of my friends, the small community life and comradery.  So, another loss, another ache in my heart has taken up residence. 

To get through the move, the feeling of loss, I just keep trusting God.  I don't know everything.  I have no idea how He sees my life, or how it will turn out and what is best.  So, I follow His lead, listen to my gut instinct, my intuition, and trust that God knows what He is doing.  I take a "wait and see" policy in my faith.  I have not been disappointed with God in the long run, nor has my policy failed me.  When I don't have answers I just keep waiting.  I know that someday, the answers will come.  I will see clearly, ...and my aching heart will be healed.