Just a quick little note here...or not. It is Christmas Eve 2012. Five years ago Jay was diagnosed with leukemia (the bogey man). But, we aren't lamenting that. It is a memory. Maybe, God has healed us enough to get this far. To think of Jay and all the good things, the good memories, and even the memories that were more like living nightmares without being crushed by grief is... a gift. This year I find that I am much more thankful. I feel so full of gratitude for my family, for my husband, my children, and the hope of our future together. I am sad that Jay is not with us physically to share all the fun. But, I really feel him so close by. It is as if I can feel his presence so strongly, more so than if he was walking the earth. What would I rather have? Definitely have Jay here!!! But, I am ok with this leg of his journey with God.
At this moment, I am looking at the clock, seeing that I have only 10 and a half more hours. My greatest gift wish this year is to bring into this world our little girl. Yes, we are pregnant with a little miracle!! Not until recently did I really imagine what it will be like to have this precious person in our lives, in my arms. For the most of the pregnancy I held my breath wondering if it was real, if she was real, or if she would stay long. We have had 6 miscarriages since Jay died. Each one was heartbreaking, confusing, maddening. With each one I wondered what the heck God was doing and WHY. God did lead me. He led me to the various health factors that impeded the continuation of a pregnancy. I also sought spiritual healing thinking that this too added to the miscarriage occurrences. Finally, out of emotional frustration and exhaustion, I said, "One more time and that's it!". Inside I gave up. I made a decision to go on with my life, and other plans for the future. I wasn't going to waste my time anymore with the heartache and loss. Enough was ENOUGH!
Just two or three weeks later I had a dream. I dreamed I was riding in the back of a car with some friends. As I looked out of the car window I saw Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ, standing about 30 feet tall. I asked my companions if they saw her and why they weren't stopping. I couldn't understand why no one else saw her. Suddenly, I found myself outside of the car standing in the road. I walked over to Mary. She handed me a baby bundled up in a linen cloth. She had a look of concern on her face. She looked to be about 45 years old with rough linen and wool on in brown, beige, and cream colored fabric. A week after this dream I discovered I was pregnant.
Now, here we are, waiting for our little bundle of joy. We started praying about 6 weeks ago that she would be born on Christmas Eve. I am not sure why we chose that day. She could come tomorrow too. That would be ok with me. But, I would love to have her today. Just because I prayed for her to come today. I prayed for my first child to be born on Mother's Day. Lo and behold, she was born at 5:38am on Mother's Day. She and I will never forget this and cherish this special bond and gift between us.
So, we wait.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Another Year
Another year (or a little more) has passed in the House of J. At first, it was difficult to write about our lives. Blue J wasn't here. My motivation for just about everything disappeared. About a year ago a little life began to spark again within me. But, times were still tough. And busy.
Three years and 4 months will have passed on the 14th of September since Blue J's death. I view life as "before and after": before he died, and after he died. I died right along with him. Yet, my body still walked the earth. I cried everyday for the first 9 months. Then, slowly, I could get through most of the day without weeping. Then, a day passed where I made it through the whole day without actually crying. Maybe, I would choke up, or get tears in my eyes. I am not sure when I stopped crying everyday. But, there are times when I still grieve, cry, and hate this "after" life. Today is a good example. I read about a 14 year old boy in the news. Blue J would be 14 right now. As soon as I thought about it, I absolutely hated my life. I hated that he was gone. I would rather be stupid and still have him here than to take the journey of enlightenment, of soul-learning, or whatever reason God has for this route my life has taken.
Though I still miss him terribly and think about him all the time, healing has taken place in my heart and soul. This process takes time, and is different for everyone who loses a child, or any loved one. So, here I am, trying to get back onto the writing highway.
This will be all for right now. TJ is sick with a cold. When he first comes down with something he is quite fragile emotionally, quite uncomfortable, and really needs his momma. So, here at the end of this day, this momma is tired. Good night everyone!
Three years and 4 months will have passed on the 14th of September since Blue J's death. I view life as "before and after": before he died, and after he died. I died right along with him. Yet, my body still walked the earth. I cried everyday for the first 9 months. Then, slowly, I could get through most of the day without weeping. Then, a day passed where I made it through the whole day without actually crying. Maybe, I would choke up, or get tears in my eyes. I am not sure when I stopped crying everyday. But, there are times when I still grieve, cry, and hate this "after" life. Today is a good example. I read about a 14 year old boy in the news. Blue J would be 14 right now. As soon as I thought about it, I absolutely hated my life. I hated that he was gone. I would rather be stupid and still have him here than to take the journey of enlightenment, of soul-learning, or whatever reason God has for this route my life has taken.
Though I still miss him terribly and think about him all the time, healing has taken place in my heart and soul. This process takes time, and is different for everyone who loses a child, or any loved one. So, here I am, trying to get back onto the writing highway.
This will be all for right now. TJ is sick with a cold. When he first comes down with something he is quite fragile emotionally, quite uncomfortable, and really needs his momma. So, here at the end of this day, this momma is tired. Good night everyone!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Hell-mate or Help-mate: turning arrows into flowers.
The House of J is on a little family trip to a family wedding. The trip will take about 18 hours which includes the stops along the way. My mother is along, too. So, the ages range from 3 to 71. A teenager is also among the passengers. But, we are having a great time joking around and giving each other a hard time. We had a wonderful stay at the Days Inn. Setting off today for our destination we are all refreshed, feeling renewed by a good night's sleep.
As with many weddings, there are some tensions among certain family members that have arisen over the last few months. Until the last couple of days we had no idea if we would be confronted with these tensions. Where did these tensions come from? This is my theory: When a person's heart is surrounded with pain that they do not know how to handle in healthy ways, that pain comes out sideways. As Richard" Rohr says, "If you do not transform your pain you transmit it". I believe in our situation this is what has happened. Those of us who have been on the receiving end of this transmission of pain have had to then handle the pain. So, how do we handle it? A verse comes to mind, "Bear ye one another's burdens..." Everyone has a choice over how to handle what happens to them. Another verse, "Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you..." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path". The journey of life is not what you DO, but what you percieve, the attitudes you choose, and how you will respond to what happens to you in life. But, how does bearing one another's burdens come into play here? We bear another's burden by NOT taking offense to the transmitted pain. We recognize that the "offense" handed out to us is born from the pain, the hell, that encompasses the other person's heart and mind. As we recognize this pain, this darkness that engulfs your loved one we, then, can choose to be a light. We respond with light. We do this by not returning evil for evil, but by overcoming evil with goodness. We pray...we pray for that other person or persons, the pain that has taken root in their hearts and the misconceptions in their minds that keeps them in pain. We pray for enlightenment, a lightening of their load, and divine understanding of themselves, life, and their painful situation. This sets them free. "And the truth shall set them free..." We continue in prayer, praying for all things, praying with love, praying for true freedom, Light, and love for all those involved in the transmission of pain. "Pray without ceasing".
But, what do you do at tthe moment that your loved one, whether he/she is a family member or friend speaks in a hurtful manner, offends you, slashes at your heart, your relationship? What is your knee-jerk response? When I was younger, in my teen years, I responded in a way that would just hurl the pain right back at the offender. Throwing it back in the offender's face just makes more pain, more darkeness, and does not end the vicious cycle of pain and darkness. Is there a way we can respond that would promote healing, love, put an end to the transmission of pain, and bring light to another's darkness? Yes, there is a way. It is called being mindful. The Bible and the shelves of your local library are full of suggestions in how to be mindful, in how to respond with love, truth, and goodness. There are many steps that you can make that will set you in a personal spiritual milieu continually where your knee-jerk response will be that of Christ, of love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and understanding. When you continually, and persistantly, contemplate, and pray for , the attributes of the Divine Character, the Holy Spirit, the Heart of the Christ, you set up this optimal milieu. You, then, turn the arrows of hurt, pain, anger, and other arrows of darkness into flowers. Your shield of faith (spoken of in the Armor of God in Ephesians) has grown to an enormous size and quenches those firey darts initiated by the Dark One, the Evil One. AND those arrows of darkness are transformed into Light, into flowers. This is the power of Christ, the power of the cross, the power of love.
When beginning this practice of setting yourself up to be mindful, and Christ-filled, you will want to respond otherwise, with that perfect retort that will put that so and so in his place. This is where biting your tongue comes into play. Counting to ten works. Using the power of your imagination can be very helpful. As you persist in your contemplation of mindfulness of love, the desire to lash back and for that feeling of retribution will fade away. In its place will be understanding, compassion, and a desire to heal, to help, to transform another's pain and darkness into wholeness, and enlightenment.
We can join another's personal hell, becoming their hellmate, returning evil for evil, making their darkness deeper, and more intense, or we can become their helpmate, helping them out of their miry pit, bearing their burden as they heal and overcome the offenses transmitted to them, being a light in their darkness, and lifting them up to join you in the journey of light.
As with many weddings, there are some tensions among certain family members that have arisen over the last few months. Until the last couple of days we had no idea if we would be confronted with these tensions. Where did these tensions come from? This is my theory: When a person's heart is surrounded with pain that they do not know how to handle in healthy ways, that pain comes out sideways. As Richard" Rohr says, "If you do not transform your pain you transmit it". I believe in our situation this is what has happened. Those of us who have been on the receiving end of this transmission of pain have had to then handle the pain. So, how do we handle it? A verse comes to mind, "Bear ye one another's burdens..." Everyone has a choice over how to handle what happens to them. Another verse, "Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you..." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path". The journey of life is not what you DO, but what you percieve, the attitudes you choose, and how you will respond to what happens to you in life. But, how does bearing one another's burdens come into play here? We bear another's burden by NOT taking offense to the transmitted pain. We recognize that the "offense" handed out to us is born from the pain, the hell, that encompasses the other person's heart and mind. As we recognize this pain, this darkness that engulfs your loved one we, then, can choose to be a light. We respond with light. We do this by not returning evil for evil, but by overcoming evil with goodness. We pray...we pray for that other person or persons, the pain that has taken root in their hearts and the misconceptions in their minds that keeps them in pain. We pray for enlightenment, a lightening of their load, and divine understanding of themselves, life, and their painful situation. This sets them free. "And the truth shall set them free..." We continue in prayer, praying for all things, praying with love, praying for true freedom, Light, and love for all those involved in the transmission of pain. "Pray without ceasing".
But, what do you do at tthe moment that your loved one, whether he/she is a family member or friend speaks in a hurtful manner, offends you, slashes at your heart, your relationship? What is your knee-jerk response? When I was younger, in my teen years, I responded in a way that would just hurl the pain right back at the offender. Throwing it back in the offender's face just makes more pain, more darkeness, and does not end the vicious cycle of pain and darkness. Is there a way we can respond that would promote healing, love, put an end to the transmission of pain, and bring light to another's darkness? Yes, there is a way. It is called being mindful. The Bible and the shelves of your local library are full of suggestions in how to be mindful, in how to respond with love, truth, and goodness. There are many steps that you can make that will set you in a personal spiritual milieu continually where your knee-jerk response will be that of Christ, of love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and understanding. When you continually, and persistantly, contemplate, and pray for , the attributes of the Divine Character, the Holy Spirit, the Heart of the Christ, you set up this optimal milieu. You, then, turn the arrows of hurt, pain, anger, and other arrows of darkness into flowers. Your shield of faith (spoken of in the Armor of God in Ephesians) has grown to an enormous size and quenches those firey darts initiated by the Dark One, the Evil One. AND those arrows of darkness are transformed into Light, into flowers. This is the power of Christ, the power of the cross, the power of love.
When beginning this practice of setting yourself up to be mindful, and Christ-filled, you will want to respond otherwise, with that perfect retort that will put that so and so in his place. This is where biting your tongue comes into play. Counting to ten works. Using the power of your imagination can be very helpful. As you persist in your contemplation of mindfulness of love, the desire to lash back and for that feeling of retribution will fade away. In its place will be understanding, compassion, and a desire to heal, to help, to transform another's pain and darkness into wholeness, and enlightenment.
We can join another's personal hell, becoming their hellmate, returning evil for evil, making their darkness deeper, and more intense, or we can become their helpmate, helping them out of their miry pit, bearing their burden as they heal and overcome the offenses transmitted to them, being a light in their darkness, and lifting them up to join you in the journey of light.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Return
Wow! It has been over a year since I last put a post. I had such good intentions when I started this blog. I thought that writing would be cathartic for me. But, I found myself just not wanting to think about things, finding excuses and distractions. I couldn't tell you if I am doing better or worse since the last entry. All I know is that the real me is some where between here and heaven, reaching for Jay. I don't know if I am depressed or just lost somewhere in space. There are things that make me happy. But, that prevailing grief, that intense longing for my son is always there, heavy in my heart. I still cannot get over the feeling that he was not supposed to die. He is supposed to be here.
The House of J continues to move on, sort of. We have made a move. DJ has gone back to school, and really enjoys it. We live much closer to my mom which is good for all of us. I have been able to reconnect with her, and so have the kids. We live futher out in the country where we can have the horses right outside our door, instead of driving over 20 minutes to visit them, and work with them. The "sort of" part comes in where my feelings of loss and being lost appear. I miss my old town so much, and all of my friends, the small community life and comradery. So, another loss, another ache in my heart has taken up residence.
To get through the move, the feeling of loss, I just keep trusting God. I don't know everything. I have no idea how He sees my life, or how it will turn out and what is best. So, I follow His lead, listen to my gut instinct, my intuition, and trust that God knows what He is doing. I take a "wait and see" policy in my faith. I have not been disappointed with God in the long run, nor has my policy failed me. When I don't have answers I just keep waiting. I know that someday, the answers will come. I will see clearly, ...and my aching heart will be healed.
The House of J continues to move on, sort of. We have made a move. DJ has gone back to school, and really enjoys it. We live much closer to my mom which is good for all of us. I have been able to reconnect with her, and so have the kids. We live futher out in the country where we can have the horses right outside our door, instead of driving over 20 minutes to visit them, and work with them. The "sort of" part comes in where my feelings of loss and being lost appear. I miss my old town so much, and all of my friends, the small community life and comradery. So, another loss, another ache in my heart has taken up residence.
To get through the move, the feeling of loss, I just keep trusting God. I don't know everything. I have no idea how He sees my life, or how it will turn out and what is best. So, I follow His lead, listen to my gut instinct, my intuition, and trust that God knows what He is doing. I take a "wait and see" policy in my faith. I have not been disappointed with God in the long run, nor has my policy failed me. When I don't have answers I just keep waiting. I know that someday, the answers will come. I will see clearly, ...and my aching heart will be healed.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Ground breaking
TJ helps with Willow standing in the background.
Buddy drops his ball in the hole to see if it is deep enough. No, not really. Buddy just thinks this will get one of us to throw the ball for him. He has a "run" track mind. All he wants to do is run after his ball.
What a big boy!
Willow gets a permanent spot to grow and reach toward the heavens.
Flowers for Willow, kind of like a "home" warming gift, from TJ.
Willow gets a drink after all that hard work.
All done! That was fun!
We had a great time planting Willow. Doing this with TJ's enthusiasm for life and discovery brought joy and Light to Jay's birthday. What could have been a very sad day turned out to be a bright day full of joy, memories of Jay, and making a new memory. Next year, at this time, we will remember what we did on Jay's birthday. We won't remember the sadness, but the turning of the titanic. We opened up our hearts and lives for God's light to shine in and turn our sorrow into joy, to bring another depth to our healing.
I did get balloons for Jay, of which TJ helped pick them out.
We enjoyed our day. I wasn't any more heartbroken than usual. I had a great sense of wonder and gratitude that God should have even let me have Jay 12 years ago. I am even more aware of what a miracle Jay is and what a blessing April 27th, 1998 was for us.
We will keep you updated on Willow's progress. Now that I know how to get some pictures on here I will try to give you all a tour of our lives here in the House of J.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Transformation
The House of J has begun to transform. The J's are moving right along the journey of life. We have all decided to live! I know that sounds morbid, and even scary to hear someone say. After Jay died, crossed over to the Other Side, into the beautiful Kingdom of Light, death looked so good. Okay, maybe, I was the only one thinking it. I haven't surveyed the household. TJ had "living" on his little-boy-list of things to do. The sadness, though, in the rest of us, saturated every word, every activity, every breath taken. But, as time has passed God has shown us the Light here on this earth and in our lives. He has shown us the Light to come, also.
So, now that we have decided to join the living, we have, also, decided to do it exuberantly, with gusto, and with as much of God's Light removing the sadness and replacing it with a sense of courage, adventure, joy, wisdom, and incredible love.
Both DJ and I have desired to plant flowers. So, with his handy-dandy tiller, DJ dug up a beautiful spot next to the road. All of the J's helped in the planting of petunia's and viola's. We are so excited each time a new bud opens up to radiate its color on our world. Next to the house, six wonderful roses have been planted. I just love roses. I am not sure why. I just love them. I love to take care of them. They take a lot of nurturing and mothering. I think that is why I love them so much. I love being a mother.
This Tuesday will be Jay's birthday. He would have been 12. To celebrate we are going to make a chocolate cake. In Jay's honor, we are going to plant a weeping willow tree in the backyard. I suggested to CC that we could name the tree something like... Willow.
Each of these activities are decisions made by us to live. We can float through life wishing for night to fall, our bodies to fall into bed, and our minds to fall away from the present, from a reality we rather not acknowledge, or we can take an active part in shaping our reality. Instead of just letting life happen to us, we can make life happen for us. Every decision made carries us down a certain path. Where do we want to end up? Depression road just leads to a dead-end. Every decision, no matter how small, carries with it the power to change our lives and the lives around us. We can take responsiblity for our present condition, grab hold of the helm and turn the titanic around. It takes a little time, but it can be done.
The first step is to create a smile. Start one on your own face. If you prefer, you can practice in the mirror first when no one is looking. Next, step it up to smiling at the cat or dog. They are pretty nonjudgmental. After you are comfortable with the smile on your face, share it with your family. Next, move on to someone who has a scowl or frown. This can be a challenge. But, when you get a smile in return the boost you get acts just like that Crest Whitening stuff. Your own smile becomes brighter. After you have gone this far, pick upa joke book. Memorize a few good jokes and start telling them! Your smile may get promoted to a laugh!
Yes, the journey of a thousand miles (or of a life well lived) begins with one step. Begin it with a smile.
So, now that we have decided to join the living, we have, also, decided to do it exuberantly, with gusto, and with as much of God's Light removing the sadness and replacing it with a sense of courage, adventure, joy, wisdom, and incredible love.
Both DJ and I have desired to plant flowers. So, with his handy-dandy tiller, DJ dug up a beautiful spot next to the road. All of the J's helped in the planting of petunia's and viola's. We are so excited each time a new bud opens up to radiate its color on our world. Next to the house, six wonderful roses have been planted. I just love roses. I am not sure why. I just love them. I love to take care of them. They take a lot of nurturing and mothering. I think that is why I love them so much. I love being a mother.
This Tuesday will be Jay's birthday. He would have been 12. To celebrate we are going to make a chocolate cake. In Jay's honor, we are going to plant a weeping willow tree in the backyard. I suggested to CC that we could name the tree something like... Willow.
Each of these activities are decisions made by us to live. We can float through life wishing for night to fall, our bodies to fall into bed, and our minds to fall away from the present, from a reality we rather not acknowledge, or we can take an active part in shaping our reality. Instead of just letting life happen to us, we can make life happen for us. Every decision made carries us down a certain path. Where do we want to end up? Depression road just leads to a dead-end. Every decision, no matter how small, carries with it the power to change our lives and the lives around us. We can take responsiblity for our present condition, grab hold of the helm and turn the titanic around. It takes a little time, but it can be done.
The first step is to create a smile. Start one on your own face. If you prefer, you can practice in the mirror first when no one is looking. Next, step it up to smiling at the cat or dog. They are pretty nonjudgmental. After you are comfortable with the smile on your face, share it with your family. Next, move on to someone who has a scowl or frown. This can be a challenge. But, when you get a smile in return the boost you get acts just like that Crest Whitening stuff. Your own smile becomes brighter. After you have gone this far, pick upa joke book. Memorize a few good jokes and start telling them! Your smile may get promoted to a laugh!
Yes, the journey of a thousand miles (or of a life well lived) begins with one step. Begin it with a smile.
Friday, February 26, 2010
The Greatest Nation...the Imagination
Hi Ron! I haven't heard from you in awhile...I figured you got buried underneath a bunch of snow. It is a big deal for Dallas to get hit with snow. So, what happens when it snows down there? Do the bad guys hunker down until the snow goes away, or do they act up even more than usual?
I think, Ron, that you would do great in the "American Siberia". You cops have to adapt and adjust to all kinds of situations. You could most definitely tackle a snow drift.
I can rememember the tea in Texas. Texans really love their tea. And really, it tastes so much better in Texas, too. Even if we did sun tea here, it wouldn't be the same. Minnesota doesn't have the kind of climate as Texas. Oven-like temperatures are best for Texas tea.
So, you have to build a planter, huh? Well, think of it as an adventure....You are on a deserted island. You have to build this planter in order to save your life because the only thing that will keep you alive is....tomatoes. You know that if you can grow tomatoes you will have an endless supply of super energy, and be able to finally harness the tomatoes protective serum. You need that serum to ward off those horrible poisonous insects that are on the island. But, wait...you notice a beautiful stranger, a native of the island (your wife...but, this all imaginary, you know. She gets to play the beautiful native woman.) With the masterfully built planter and the super tomatoes, you will be able to befriend her, win her trust, and even... her love... Ron, if I were you, I would get busy building that planter. You know, you could get a bunch of Texas mosquitoes, buy a couple of palm trees down there, (go ahead and even get a few coconuts from the grocery store) and you could set up your "island" in the backyard. Texas surely is hot enough. I bet you could make your wife laugh. And you would have fun!
The imagination is the greastest nation in the world. I have a very vivid imagination. I can create all kinds of fun when I not busy griping and complaining and licking my wounds. When Jay was healthy we had a little weekend paper route called the Valley Shopper. CC and Jay often didn't want to do the route. There was always something else more fun to do. So, what I would do, is pretend we were secret agents smuggling Bibles and other messages to missionaries in foreign countries where we couldn't be seen. The papers were a disguise for our "messages" and "Bibles". We would run as fast as we could from house to house.
I would take them in our van. When they got back to the van, they were running to keep from being seen by the bad guys, I would keep the side door open. They would JUMP into the van. Sometimes, I would press on the gas just a little so that they would flop into their seats. They thought this was so much fun and kind of added to the game. When we would go to the next block they would have to shut the doors as quickly as possible and get seat belted and HANG ON. I didn't go fast but, it was the idea. We would pretend we had to get out of that "district" as fast as we could so that we wouldn't get caught. This imaginary game helped them get through a task that they didn't like. And they had tons of fun. Now, we have good memories to look back on.
Anna, I would love to have little tea party like you described! Including laughing until fake tea was coming out of my nose! Now, today is the real tea party. I am going to observe everyone to see if they really hold their pinkies out. hehehe...and I am going to intentionally hold my little pinky out, just to see if they notice. I know that they sometimes read my caringbridge updates. :-)
After chocolate, my imagination and sense of humor help me get through the tough times, the hard times. I use these coping mechanisms to not think about what I do not have.
Lent is upon us for those of you that observe Lent. My goal for Lent, no...I am NOT giving up chocolate...is to find things to be thankful for. But, I want to take it up a notch. I usually gripe about this old house we live in. Actually, it is a beautiful, Victorian-style house (on the inside). It is roomy and has lots of potential. So, see there, this is what I mean. Instead of griping, and saying "thank You, God", I want to go a step further by listing as many good things about each thing I am thankful for. Also, for Lent, I am going to try to focus on healing...whatever kind of healing God wants to give. This means I will need to use a pry-bar to even let a little Light into my heart and soul. I kind of shut everything up tight since Jay died. I am not sure when that happened. I just know that it did. Jay crossing over to the Kingdom of Light really threw me for a loop as far as God is concerned. I didn't turn away from God. I just got confused, and angry. Very angry. So, there you have it. My public statement of my Lenten goals. Now, you all can keep me on my toes by asking me if I am sticking to them.
I send my love out to all of you...those reading this and those who have in the past. I hope you pass it on. Love is the easiest thing to donate and doesn't cost a dime. Love ya...
~Heidi
I think, Ron, that you would do great in the "American Siberia". You cops have to adapt and adjust to all kinds of situations. You could most definitely tackle a snow drift.
I can rememember the tea in Texas. Texans really love their tea. And really, it tastes so much better in Texas, too. Even if we did sun tea here, it wouldn't be the same. Minnesota doesn't have the kind of climate as Texas. Oven-like temperatures are best for Texas tea.
So, you have to build a planter, huh? Well, think of it as an adventure....You are on a deserted island. You have to build this planter in order to save your life because the only thing that will keep you alive is....tomatoes. You know that if you can grow tomatoes you will have an endless supply of super energy, and be able to finally harness the tomatoes protective serum. You need that serum to ward off those horrible poisonous insects that are on the island. But, wait...you notice a beautiful stranger, a native of the island (your wife...but, this all imaginary, you know. She gets to play the beautiful native woman.) With the masterfully built planter and the super tomatoes, you will be able to befriend her, win her trust, and even... her love... Ron, if I were you, I would get busy building that planter. You know, you could get a bunch of Texas mosquitoes, buy a couple of palm trees down there, (go ahead and even get a few coconuts from the grocery store) and you could set up your "island" in the backyard. Texas surely is hot enough. I bet you could make your wife laugh. And you would have fun!
The imagination is the greastest nation in the world. I have a very vivid imagination. I can create all kinds of fun when I not busy griping and complaining and licking my wounds. When Jay was healthy we had a little weekend paper route called the Valley Shopper. CC and Jay often didn't want to do the route. There was always something else more fun to do. So, what I would do, is pretend we were secret agents smuggling Bibles and other messages to missionaries in foreign countries where we couldn't be seen. The papers were a disguise for our "messages" and "Bibles". We would run as fast as we could from house to house.
I would take them in our van. When they got back to the van, they were running to keep from being seen by the bad guys, I would keep the side door open. They would JUMP into the van. Sometimes, I would press on the gas just a little so that they would flop into their seats. They thought this was so much fun and kind of added to the game. When we would go to the next block they would have to shut the doors as quickly as possible and get seat belted and HANG ON. I didn't go fast but, it was the idea. We would pretend we had to get out of that "district" as fast as we could so that we wouldn't get caught. This imaginary game helped them get through a task that they didn't like. And they had tons of fun. Now, we have good memories to look back on.
Anna, I would love to have little tea party like you described! Including laughing until fake tea was coming out of my nose! Now, today is the real tea party. I am going to observe everyone to see if they really hold their pinkies out. hehehe...and I am going to intentionally hold my little pinky out, just to see if they notice. I know that they sometimes read my caringbridge updates. :-)
After chocolate, my imagination and sense of humor help me get through the tough times, the hard times. I use these coping mechanisms to not think about what I do not have.
Lent is upon us for those of you that observe Lent. My goal for Lent, no...I am NOT giving up chocolate...is to find things to be thankful for. But, I want to take it up a notch. I usually gripe about this old house we live in. Actually, it is a beautiful, Victorian-style house (on the inside). It is roomy and has lots of potential. So, see there, this is what I mean. Instead of griping, and saying "thank You, God", I want to go a step further by listing as many good things about each thing I am thankful for. Also, for Lent, I am going to try to focus on healing...whatever kind of healing God wants to give. This means I will need to use a pry-bar to even let a little Light into my heart and soul. I kind of shut everything up tight since Jay died. I am not sure when that happened. I just know that it did. Jay crossing over to the Kingdom of Light really threw me for a loop as far as God is concerned. I didn't turn away from God. I just got confused, and angry. Very angry. So, there you have it. My public statement of my Lenten goals. Now, you all can keep me on my toes by asking me if I am sticking to them.
I send my love out to all of you...those reading this and those who have in the past. I hope you pass it on. Love is the easiest thing to donate and doesn't cost a dime. Love ya...
~Heidi
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